Days 125 - 168
Note: As with my last entry, this one is again
personal for me. However I realize that
my last entry was very serious and not too uplifting. I don´t want to send the impression that
every day is like that. While the
reality is that people do live in those conditions, they don´t live in a
continual state of melancholy and sorrow. This entry is a continuation of sorts
to my last entry, but with a more positive tone.
The events
that happened in May left me with the feeling that I was still missing something. Though I had been here for a little over
three months, I still didn´t quite understand everything. In my mind, I thought I felt I had absorbed a
fair amount of knowledge about the community, yet was often still treated as an
outsider. Of course it still frustrated
me, but I tried to look at it with a new perspective.
Oftentimes
we mix needs with wants and can easily confuse the two. I wanted to feel a
sense of belonging, but didn´t want to work and wait for it. Trust can only be formed with time and shared
experiences. Of course it was harder for
them to build up trust than I when so many volunteers come and go here in
Barahona. For me, I was out of my
comfort zone, out of my community – and I wanted to be a part of this one.
It is
common knowledge that our Western society has spoiled us a bit to the point
that we oftentimes prefer instant gratification rather than waiting for the
fruits of our labor to ripen. I am just
the same way, wanting to be initiated into the community as soon as possible without
trial and due process. I should know
from my own experiences that real relationships need time and a solid
foundation for stability.
Luckily for
me, I have a lot of time to spend here in Barahona with the Sisters and members
of the community. I´ve begun to notice a
slow and gradual initiation into the community here, and it brought me joy that
my prayers were being answered - with God´s time, not mine.
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| Sancocho! |
On my
birthday, the day started off great with many people greeting me at morning
mass and a special blessing from Padre Edvard.
The Sisters arranged the kitchen with festive items and even went out of
their way to get me a few things. Ana,
our excellent cook, knew my favorite meal (Sancocho!) already and made it for
us that day. Other people stopped by the
school just to wish me a happy birthday.
I felt very fortunate to be working in such a community that cares
enough to go out of their way just to stop by and wish me well.
Later that
day, I went for a run down the Malecón (street by the sea, almost every coastal
town in the DR has one). I have made it
a habit to run a few times a week and enjoy getting to different people of the
community when I go. On my birthday,
something unusual happened. As I reached
the Malecón, I recognized kids from the school who were also jogging. They asked to run with me and I gladly
accepted. We made our way down to the
beach where we encountered many more kids, who somehow all knew it was my
birthday. I felt bad in the fact that I
didn’t even know all their names. We
parted ways at the beach and I headed back into town to continue my run.
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| El Malecón in Santo Domingo. |
Not two
minutes later, another man caught up with me, a Haitian. I had seen him running before, but had never
had the chance to talk with him. He
mentioned that he had seen me run a number of times and wanted to introduce
himself. His name was Spelucia (I
probably did not spell that right, as it is a French-Creole name pronounced
speh-loosh-cha) and he was training for marathons here in Barahona. We ran together and told each other how we
both came here, me as a volunteer, him with him father when he was
younger. Again, it brought be pleasure
to have company instead of stares and odd looks.
It seemed
that this was just the beginning for my running companions. Since my birthday, I´ve had at least 10 other
people wish to run with me, many of them being kids from the Mini Basketball
team I helped coach. At one point, three
kids from the team and I were running and we passed a house they knew. The mother of the house asked the kids what
they were up to, and they replied that they were running with their friend,
Russell. I couldn´t hold back my
smile.
Apart from
that, I´ve had another great gift in recent days – my whole family came to
visit. It was a very busy week, as I
showed them Barahona, Santo Domingo, Pedernales, Polo, and Jarabacoa, but a
once in a lifetime experience. Again,
the planning, the execution, and the last minute requests showed that people
here would go out of their way to help me, and I was so thankful for them. I could go on and on
and tell about the adventures my family and I had here, but since many people
who read this blog are my family members, I’m sure they’re heard it firsthand.
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| My family and I in Jarabacoa! |
My family
coming to visit me also brought about an unexpected effect on my life here in
Barahona, something I hadn’t planned for.
The people in the community appreciated
that I brought my family here to Barahona and they really enjoyed getting to
meet them! They know that a lot of
tourists come to the Dominican Republic, but it was somehow different with my
family. They liked the fact that we
spent the majority of our time here in the South, and not the north or the east
like the majority of the tourists. Even
people who did not get to meet my family have come up and told me that they
were happy that I was happy that my
family came.
Reflecting
on these comments and recent events, I’ve realized that the one thing I was
missing is starting to fill in: community.
I believe strongly we all need some form of community in our lives, what
we group we decide to be a part of is our choice. Here, I was easily accepted into the
community with the Sisters, but it took a while to build trust with the larger
community of the school and neighborhood.
This trust and sense of community must be a mutual feeling, and it finally
was. For the people here, they had a
community before me and will have a community after I leave, which is why it
can be doubly hard to be initiated into the community. As humans, we know this and it is often the
reason why we have difficulty accepting new people and groups into communities
we feel are whole. Why change something
that’s functioning and risk injury to our pride and heart? For one, we also know deep down that
investment in others can also lead greater rewards than pain. Because of this delicate balance between risk
and reward, we must evaluate the person before initiation. In my case, I was able to invest my time and
energy into helping here and the people have recognized this and now done the
same for me.
I’m sure
there are other psychologists who have stated all this much better than I
could, but the revelation came through experience and being on the opposite
side of the fence.
Other good
news relating to trust – nearly a year ago I was fortunate enough to travel to
Ethiopia with Grace Giving International, a very generous non-profit
organization who founded a school in the small town of Burayu and was in their
first year of running the school. During
my stay in Ethiopia, I befriended a teenager named Dika who was always helping
around the church and the school. I noticed
that for his age, Dika was a bit taller than the other kids, closer to my
height in fact. However, he wore a pair
of sandals and pants that looked like they had been worn for many years and
were long out-grown. Towards the end of
the 11 day trip, I noticed that he had never changed clothes while we were
there. I asked another volunteer who had
lived in the community for an extended time about him and she filled me in on
some details: his mother was sick and everything he earns goes towards her medicine
and feeding his family. He had received
other gifts from organizations, but ended up selling them for money for
food. My heart ached. Before I left, I wrote him a note to
encourage him and left a pair of pants and tennis shoes for him. The volunteer who’d be staying there said he
might end up selling those too, but I was ok with that, I had a feeling that I
needed to.
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| Dika and I in Ethiopia |
A few weeks
ago, I received an e-mail from one of the board members of Grace Giving
International telling me about the trip this year. The email was filled with positive news of
growth and well-being, but also held a gem for me. Dale had encountered Dika this visit, who
asked about me. Dale informed Dika that
I was unable to come this year but would pass on the greetings. Dika also wanted me to know that he still had
my shoes and pants and only wore them on special occasions, so as not to wear
them out. It is hard to express the
rewarding feeling I felt when I heard this.
However, I must not pat myself on the back too much, as I believe it was
GGI’s hard work in establishing trust and building a community in Ethiopia that
allowed me to walk in and help where I could.
